My Cheapest Accommodations Yet

$2.50 in Chiang Mai! The bathroom is shared, right outside, and someone might move into that other bed, but... $2.50!

Looking for Andrew in Prison

This is a story that is from those wonderful carefree days when Andrew was here with me in Thailand. One day, we resolved that he would spend the morning painting graffiti and I would wander around, and we'd meet up at his spot at 11:30am. So I left him:
At 11:15 I showed up and saw this:
But no Andrew! What would cause my good friend to abandon a piece halfway through? I thought for sure he had been spotted by the police or at least run off by some locals. I waited until 11:31 but thought he had bolted and didn't want to return to the scene of the crime, returning instead to where we were staying, which is where we had agreed to meet in case we missed each other at the spot.

So I went back to where we were staying and he wasn't there, and I thought for sure he had been arrested. I saw his parents and Andrew's mom asked "Did you lose my son?" and I laughed nervously and replied "Nno!" I chatted with them for a bit, the whole time thinking furiously how this could really ruin the trip for everyone, and they left. I had a feeling that if I sat around and did nothing Andrew would show up eventually, but I also had a terrible vision of him not returning and me having to explain to his parents why I hadn't told them anything sooner or done anything all day when I knew he was missing. In my head, I literally repeated the words: "This is an adult situation. You are an adult. You will deal with this situation AS AN ADULT." I ran and grabbed a map of Bangkok, pinpointed the closest police station to where Andrew was painting, hopped in a tuk tuk and told the driver to take me there:

"Why do you want to go there?"
"I'm looking for my friend."
"Your friend a policeman?"
"No."
"...Oh."

We zipped off, and when I told the driver I thought my friend had been arrested for graffiti, he told me he was pretty sure they don't arrest people for that. Maybe, I thought, but who knows what Andrew was painting on. The wall he chose was mysteriously bare of graffiti in a part of town that was pretty well covered, so I thought it might have been on the backend of an important landmark or something.

We arrived at the police station and the tuk tuk driver acted as interpreter. The police didn't look like they had much going on, they were very unhurried and weren't at all dismissive of me, in fact they seemed to enjoy the conversation. The police told me that they do not in fact arrest people for graffiti, but continued wanting to talk anyway about the wheres and the whats and things:

"Like this?" [pointing at a small tag nearby]
"No, more like that." [pointing at a larger piece across the street]
[Policeman nods his head appreciatively] "No arrest."

They gave me a Thai donut and told me if he hadn't shown up after 24 hours to come back. I was pretty nervous still, but when I got back to where we were staying THERE WAS ANDREW! I kicked a shoe at him, and was both a little angry and happy to see him.

So what happened?

Turns out Andrew went to go get some water at 11:14 and returned at 11:33. He waited around for me until 12:20, thought I got lost but that I'd sort it out, then left a "BRB" message on the wall while he went to get more paint. When he returned and I still wasn't there he got more worried, updated his note and went back to the hotel:
He took a shower, and as he was getting out I walked in and kicked a shoe at him. He got a little angry but was happy to see me.

The finished piece, with a couple of additional throwups he did while waiting for me:

New Year's Eve in Bangkok

The night began at Sanamluang, The Royal Field that leads to the Grand Palace in downtown Bangkok. Locals were out in force, with pop up festivities like bumper cars:

...and a raffle being decided by the whims of a rat:

5 baht (about $0.15) got you a number, and if the rat ran into the hole with that number on it you won! I didn't. I headed back to Banglamphu, where all the backpackers hang out, to countdown with my fellow whiteys:

But there was no countdown! Except for "The Final Countdown." Which, honestly, almost makes up for it. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I apparently drank more than I should have, because I wasn't feeling so hot the next day:

Happy New Year!

My First Monetary Exchange With a Lady of the Night

My father told me I would have to look out for prostitutes in Thailand.

"Albo," he said, "Every hotel in Thailand is a brothel. You'll be takin' a shower and they'll jump right in with you and you just gotta kick 'em out."

Well, times have changed a bit since he was here 30 years ago and most of my showers have been cold and lonely. But in certain areas there is definitely an aggressive swarm of professional ladies. Well, always in search of a complete cultural experience, Andrew and I decided to see how close to the sun we could fly without getting burned. The swarm fell upon us in a bar which cannot be named on this family-friendly blog. After successfully swatting most of them away, one particularly quirky girl (when she first approached me she was doing a gorilla impression, I kid you not) wrote me the note above. For those who can't quite make it out:

YOU GOOD ARE NICE
BUT WHY YOU NO GOOD
WHY YOU ARE MEAN?
YOU GAY ASS?

In an effort to get some peace I communicated to her that her suspicion was correct, and got such a kick out of the note that I bought it off of her for 100 baht (roughly three dollars). Such was my first and last monetary exchange with a lady of the night.

Puppies Nursing Are the Cutest Thing

From my time on the goat farm in Israel.

Some puppies nursing. Set cute guns to stun.

A Well Conceived Scam

So last week, before Andrew arrived in Bangkok I fell into a very well organized scam. It started like this...

I was walking around Bangkok aimlessly, and wandered into a temple. On the way out, a guy started making fun of my shoes because they are so worn. We got to talking, and after a few minutes he started telling me some places I should check out. Then he mentioned that as a thank you to everyone for celebrating his birthday so magnificently, the king (who everyone in the country LOVES, and who in turn supposedly loves everyone in his country) was sponsoring a tuk tuk (a little motor taxi, so named for the sound its uncovered engine makes) company for the day and that they would drive you pretty much anywhere you wanted to go for 20 baht (about 66 cents--really cheap for a long tuk tuk ride). He told me to look for the yellow flags, as they marked the sponsored tuk tuks. On the way out of the temple, a tuk tuk with a yellow flag was waiting and the driver approached me: "Special deal! King sponsor today! I drive you many places, 20 baht!" So my thought is of course "Well, these two are working together to get me into this tuk tuk" so I say "No thanks" and keep walking.

So after about 15 minutes I wander into another temple. I stand and stare at the Buddha for a few minutes, when a Thai man that has been kneeling there looks up at me and asks if I know how to make a wish to the lucky Buddha. I say no and he leads me through the process on my knees. Then we get to talking, he tells me he is an English teacher at the school attached to the temple, etc etc. He asks me where I'm planning to visit today, and recommends a few other places. Then he says "You know, what you should really do is get into a tuk tuk with a yellow flag, there's a special promotion, etc etc

So I walk out of the temple and I'm like, "What are the odds that two super nice people at two separate temples are working in concert to get me involved in some elaborate scam?" I decided whatever the odds were, 20 baht was a good deal for a tuk tuk adventure. So I flagged down a tuk tuk with a yellow flag and asked "Is there some sort of special deal today?" "Yes, yes! The king sponsors tuk tuk rides today! 20 baht! I take you anywhere!" So I hopped in.

After taking me to a couple of temples, he tells me he needs to go get a stamp to be reimbursed from the government. So we stop in front of a clothing store and he tells me to go in and at this point I realize I've been suckered. So I go into the shop and tell them I want to buy two suits but their price is too expensive and come back out. I ask the driver what the next stop is, and he tells me it's a temple. I figure I might as well get another temple out of the deal and go with him. On the way I ask him who is sponsoring this trip, the government or the stores, and his answer is murky (intentionally, methinks) thanks to his uncertain grasp of the English language. So we go to the temple and on my way in a man sweeping the ground tells me I can't go in yet, and directs me to a little sitting area where I can wait. There's a very friendly-looking man there and I sit and stare at the trees, counting down the seconds until he starts up a conversation that leads to talking about this amazing deal the king has going on. It takes about 8 seconds.

When I leave the temple, I ask the driver what the NEXT stop is, and he says it's another sponsor. I tell him I don't want to go to any more shops, and pull out my 20 Baht. Then he levels with me, and tells me that if he takes me to three stores today, the person running the scam promotion will fill his gas tank and give him dinner. He begs me to keep going with him. I figure it's like TV commercials or ads in a magazine--sometimes you gotta put up with a little crap to get what you want. And I was enjoying the cheap ride around, so I accepted the subsidized trip and had a fine time for the rest of the day.

What amazes me is how intricate the scam was. They had friendly people planted all over the city just to plant the idea in people's heads that this government promotion was going on, so that when a select group of tuk tuk drivers, who are notoriously untrustworthy, mention the same thing it comes with a certain amount of credibility. Impressive!

Ladyboys!

Andrew and I were strolling around Bangkok last night looking for something to do, and wandered into The Asia Hotel to see if the Elvis impersonator was performing. While we were trying to figure that out, a Chinese woman walked up to us with her brother and asked if we were here for the show.

"What, the Elvis show?"
"No, the show downstairs in the cabaret. We have two extra tickets and we're trying to sell them."
"What sort of show is it?"
"It's a ladyboy show."
[Albert and Andrew start digging through their pockets for money.]

It was very fun and very strange. I have some videos that I'll get up at some point.