My father told me I would have to look out for prostitutes in Thailand.
"Albo," he said, "Every hotel in Thailand is a brothel. You'll be takin' a shower and they'll jump right in with you and you just gotta kick 'em out."
Well, times have changed a bit since he was here 30 years ago and most of my showers have been cold and lonely. But in certain areas there is definitely an aggressive swarm of professional ladies. Well, always in search of a complete cultural experience, Andrew and I decided to see how close to the sun we could fly without getting burned. The swarm fell upon us in a bar which cannot be named on this family-friendly blog. After successfully swatting most of them away, one particularly quirky girl (when she first approached me she was doing a gorilla impression, I kid you not) wrote me the note above. For those who can't quite make it out:
YOU GOOD ARE NICE BUT WHY YOU NO GOOD WHY YOU ARE MEAN? YOU GAY ASS?
In an effort to get some peace I communicated to her that her suspicion was correct, and got such a kick out of the note that I bought it off of her for 100 baht (roughly three dollars). Such was my first and last monetary exchange with a lady of the night.
So last week, before Andrew arrived in Bangkok I fell into a very well organized scam. It started like this...
I was walking around Bangkok aimlessly, and wandered into a temple. On the way out, a guy started making fun of my shoes because they are so worn. We got to talking, and after a few minutes he started telling me some places I should check out. Then he mentioned that as a thank you to everyone for celebrating his birthday so magnificently, the king (who everyone in the country LOVES, and who in turn supposedly loves everyone in his country) was sponsoring a tuk tuk (a little motor taxi, so named for the sound its uncovered engine makes) company for the day and that they would drive you pretty much anywhere you wanted to go for 20 baht (about 66 cents--really cheap for a long tuk tuk ride). He told me to look for the yellow flags, as they marked the sponsored tuk tuks. On the way out of the temple, a tuk tuk with a yellow flag was waiting and the driver approached me: "Special deal! King sponsor today! I drive you many places, 20 baht!" So my thought is of course "Well, these two are working together to get me into this tuk tuk" so I say "No thanks" and keep walking.
So after about 15 minutes I wander into another temple. I stand and stare at the Buddha for a few minutes, when a Thai man that has been kneeling there looks up at me and asks if I know how to make a wish to the lucky Buddha. I say no and he leads me through the process on my knees. Then we get to talking, he tells me he is an English teacher at the school attached to the temple, etc etc. He asks me where I'm planning to visit today, and recommends a few other places. Then he says "You know, what you should really do is get into a tuk tuk with a yellow flag, there's a special promotion, etc etc
So I walk out of the temple and I'm like, "What are the odds that two super nice people at two separate temples are working in concert to get me involved in some elaborate scam?" I decided whatever the odds were, 20 baht was a good deal for a tuk tuk adventure. So I flagged down a tuk tuk with a yellow flag and asked "Is there some sort of special deal today?" "Yes, yes! The king sponsors tuk tuk rides today! 20 baht! I take you anywhere!" So I hopped in.
After taking me to a couple of temples, he tells me he needs to go get a stamp to be reimbursed from the government. So we stop in front of a clothing store and he tells me to go in and at this point I realize I've been suckered. So I go into the shop and tell them I want to buy two suits but their price is too expensive and come back out. I ask the driver what the next stop is, and he tells me it's a temple. I figure I might as well get another temple out of the deal and go with him. On the way I ask him who is sponsoring this trip, the government or the stores, and his answer is murky (intentionally, methinks) thanks to his uncertain grasp of the English language. So we go to the temple and on my way in a man sweeping the ground tells me I can't go in yet, and directs me to a little sitting area where I can wait. There's a very friendly-looking man there and I sit and stare at the trees, counting down the seconds until he starts up a conversation that leads to talking about this amazing deal the king has going on. It takes about 8 seconds.
When I leave the temple, I ask the driver what the NEXT stop is, and he says it's another sponsor. I tell him I don't want to go to any more shops, and pull out my 20 Baht. Then he levels with me, and tells me that if he takes me to three stores today, the person running the scam promotion will fill his gas tank and give him dinner. He begs me to keep going with him. I figure it's like TV commercials or ads in a magazine--sometimes you gotta put up with a little crap to get what you want. And I was enjoying the cheap ride around, so I accepted the subsidized trip and had a fine time for the rest of the day.
What amazes me is how intricate the scam was. They had friendly people planted all over the city just to plant the idea in people's heads that this government promotion was going on, so that when a select group of tuk tuk drivers, who are notoriously untrustworthy, mention the same thing it comes with a certain amount of credibility. Impressive!
Andrew and I were strolling around Bangkok last night looking for something to do, and wandered into The Asia Hotel to see if the Elvis impersonator was performing. While we were trying to figure that out, a Chinese woman walked up to us with her brother and asked if we were here for the show.
"What, the Elvis show?" "No, the show downstairs in the cabaret. We have two extra tickets and we're trying to sell them." "What sort of show is it?" "It's a ladyboy show." [Albert and Andrew start digging through their pockets for money.]
It was very fun and very strange. I have some videos that I'll get up at some point.
From my time in Israel. Every day after milking and feeding, we let the goats go wandering in the hills, accompanied by a few good dogs. They would wander around and come back by the time the sun went down. There were about 220, and when some wouldn't return we'd have to go out looking for them. Some of them have bells on their necks for herd location purposes. Apparently, part of the way they find their way home is by the wind coming up through the valley. They know if they're walking into the wind, they're headed home. So if it was a particularly chaotic day windwise, they would get scattered and we'd have to send out some searchers.
Recently I've stayed in two budget hotels. The first was the Sunrise Hotel in Amman, Jordan:
And the second was the place I've been staying in Bangkok, My House:
The Verdict: The Sunrise Hotel in Amman was bigger and had two beds, but My House is much cleaner, has a [cold water] shower that works, and is in a much much MUCH nicer part of town than that Jordanian hole. Plus I didn't have to haggle for the Bangkok price, while the guy in Amman started the price at $22.50. After I walked out he chased me down the street and agreed to my price, then while registering asked me "Why so angry? Why you want to [punching motion] me?" He was a young guy, probably 16. Later he asked me how to get a girlfriend, and when I said "I don't know," he accused me of lying: "Don't say you don't know! You American, you have many girlfriends, I know! Tell me!"
My father told me I would have to look out for prostitutes in Thailand.
